the bachelorette

The summer is hard without my tv shows. But what I DO have is "The Bachelorette" and now Monday is again an accepted day of the week for me.

How would I do as the bachelorette (I wonder)? I mean, if people want to just find me 25 guys that seem perfect for me, I'm okay with that. No Bentleys. NO Jakes. I want some McLovins, Andrew Garfields, Matthew Lewises (hel-LO Mr. Grown Up Neville Longbottom, and may I say, you turned out DELIGHTFUL), Darren Crisses, Ryan Goslings, Wil Wheatons, James McAvoys, Joseph Gordan Levitts, Joel McHales, and the like. Don't think that's too much to ask. Really. It's ridiculous that it hasn't already been arranged. I am reality tv gold. Someone get on this.

pet names pt. 1

I have been thinking lately of what I want to call my future significant other, when I have one. No comment on the status of any future significant other. But I have the names ready. SO STEP RIGHT UP, MENFOLK.

Here's what I have thought of so far:

-my little acorn (squirrel themed)

-my baby paint can

-my sweet flower pot

-ma petite pomme de terre avec le fromage (my little potato with cheese)

-my baby kitten paw

-my sweet marshmallow-stuffed pillow

-my birthday duck

-my little pile of crunchy fall leaves

-my sweet pet squirrel

Really. Fall just makes me want to walk around in track jackets and hold hands, enjoying the beautiful colors and crisp air and clear skies.

*insert wistful sigh here*

when i am the boss

When I am the boss of my as-yet-unnamed future company, there will be many rules. Rule number one: every hour there will be a 5 minute dance break in which the lights will go down, the floor will light up, and everyone must dance furiously as the song(s) of my choice play over the PA system. Dance in any style you want! I personally prefer the "Kermit flail", as it seems to best relieve me of stress. Water and snacks after!

Also, naps scheduled into the day.

Ice cream novelty day (bring your favorite ice cream novelty)!!!

A reading corner.

Movies in the lounge with a little popcorn stand.

What do we sell? That is not important! Don't concern yourself with silly details like that!

I think this is actually what it's like to work at Pixar. They have paper airplane contests and secret rooms (on top of making incredible films). So the REAL message here is: John Lassiter, HIRE MEEEE. Put me on your roster as "SUPERVISOR OF RECREATION". I can't animate, but I can do funny voices and bake cookies!

my invention

Next time someone cuts me off on the expressway, cuts in front of me because they switched to the merging lane and flew past everyone else to get where they want to go 1 minute faster than the rest of us, rides my bumper like they are willing me down the road, or just generally pisses me off while I am driving, I shall press a button, and out will shoot a little suction arrow with a message. It will attach to their vehicle. The message could be any of the following:

-You cut me off. You are a bitch.
-Your left brake light is out, and it's REALLY pissing me off.
-Yes, you are waaaay more important than everyone else. Why don't you just go around this whole merging business until you can't get any further and then pull in ahead of us? We won't kill you, we promise. But someday you WILL wake up and your tires will be gone.
-Get off my ass. I hate you.
-God smites those who are IDIOTS. That means you, jackass.
-No one thinks you are cool. Mostly because you lost your toupee when you crossed 8 lanes of traffic at 100 mph.
-Since you didn't let me in, Santa is cancelling Christmas and all the bees are going to die and you will have no one to blame but YOURSELF.

What else? Suggestions?

I feel better now!

new dream #2387

I HAVE A NEW DREAM (to add to my list of dreams)!

Started watching "Bones" last night (Netflix on Demand FTW!) and it is definitely growing on me. Emily Deschanel is great as anthropologist Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan, and David Boreanez (ANGEL) is delightfully snarky (and delicious) as her FBI partner. I WANT IN. And so, this leads me to my new grand dream: to play a feisty yet awkward and intellectual solver of mysteries and murders on a hit TV show. I will use my deductive powers, smarts, and PhD in Anthropology (or something...) and work / share banter with DAVID BOREANEZ (or someone...) to solve crimes and seek justice! Honestly, few things are more exciting to me than seeing an acting role and thinking: WAIT. I could play that girl. I AM that girl. It's a rare and mystical treat. Like a Super Mario ice cream bar or a kitten in a grocery bag.

(This entry counts for Tuesday, because I already have one planned for Wednesday. I mean today. Enjoy.)