jorbs

I applied for lots of jobs today! Like with salaries and everything! Now all I need is something with chocolate in it, a miracle, and some patience. Seriously, though, paying my rent in halves is KIND of killing me right now. Don't think my landlord is a fan either...

OMG ALL I WANT IS FAST FOOD -- is it because I am stressed, or is it because I am ME?? I think on the inside I am actually made out of tiny, tiny french fries. Seriously, once the olde metabolism slows down, lord help me.

the bachelorette

The summer is hard without my tv shows. But what I DO have is "The Bachelorette" and now Monday is again an accepted day of the week for me.

How would I do as the bachelorette (I wonder)? I mean, if people want to just find me 25 guys that seem perfect for me, I'm okay with that. No Bentleys. NO Jakes. I want some McLovins, Andrew Garfields, Matthew Lewises (hel-LO Mr. Grown Up Neville Longbottom, and may I say, you turned out DELIGHTFUL), Darren Crisses, Ryan Goslings, Wil Wheatons, James McAvoys, Joseph Gordan Levitts, Joel McHales, and the like. Don't think that's too much to ask. Really. It's ridiculous that it hasn't already been arranged. I am reality tv gold. Someone get on this.

mascot

I think I would like it if a ham was a mascot for a team, and the team was called the Hamhocks. Nothing scarier? weirder? more delicious? than a giant ham running your way.

Consider this my return to the blogosphere.

(Mary, this is for you!)

a thought

Isn't it weird to think that intestines are so long and windy (whine-dee) but that we have them IN OUR BODIES?

Yeah, that kind of really freaks me out. Because it's a little gross.

Also I hate it when they are called "entrails". I probably would've hated it in the middle ages too, which seems to be when they called them "entrails" all the time.

will you be my valentine, self?

Apparently I am not one for committing to a blog. Whenever I make a faithful commitment to write in it, I seem to suddenly stop writing in it. Curious, very curious.

It's almost February. Which means it's almost Valentine's Day. Now, I'm not one of those people who gets all, "VALENTINE'S DAY IS STUPID!" as soon as the "holiday" rolls around. Let's remind ourselves, friends, that we can be our own Valentines. That can mean buying Chinese take out and watching a marathon of 30 Rock episodes. It can mean making a giant ice cream sundae for one. It can mean going to Blockbuster and buying 3 movies for $20 because you deserve it, dammit! It can mean getting to Walgreen's RIGHT after prime candy selling time and getting those big Reese's hearts for 50% off. Delicious! And no one will be all mopey because I'm not paying attention to them. Isn't that beautiful?

Celebrate yourself this year, especially if you get the urge to sit around feeling sorry and "lonely". Come ON people! If you can't love the one you're with (you!) then you are missing out on one of the best and most important relationships of your life. If YOU can't make yourself happy, then how is anyone else supposed to?



Love and kisses and a whole pile of delightful books to read,

Katie

christmas thoughts

How do you get a job in Santa's workshop? What is the application process?

What, exactly, does Santa make? Does he sit down at the work tables and help make toys? Does he just walk around with a clipboard? Does he help make iPods, for example? Does he endorse Apple or Microsoft?

Is it always fun in Santa's workshop?

Do they make hot cocoa instead of coffee in the breakroom?

Is Santa always jolly, or can he be a real pain in the ass as the holidays get closer?

How did he choose the North Pole as his living quarters?

What is the collective favorite holiday film of everyone at the North Pole? (I would choose "Elf".)

Are the other reindeer jealous because Rudolph has his own song? Is Rudolph like SO over that whole "saving Christmas" thing that happened like 100 years ago? Or does he still think he's the man?

Does Santa think claymation Christmas films are creepy? (I do.)

accomplishments

Every time I do something like wash my clothes, clean the bathroom, take out the garbage, or load the dishwasher, I am outrageously proud of myself. I expect the world to stand up, slow clap, and tell me, "YOU DID IT. LOOK AT YOU!"

That's normal, right?

Well, fine. If you guys aren't going to do it, I have a large stuffed animal following who WILL. Also, they will have tea parties with me. Total win-win.

I need a winter coat. I seem to have forgotten that it isn't summer anymore. I throw on a zip up sweatshirt and am constantly surprised that I'm cold.

This morning I had one of the 5-9am Container Store Merchandise Processing shifts. When I drag myself out of bed at 4:15am on these special mornings, I expect applause as well. Where IS everyone?! These are great accomplishments!

In an unrelated note, I am pretty sure elephants live upstairs. How else to explain the stomping and the at-least-one-time-a-day dropping of heavy furniture upon my ceiling* (*that is just what it sounds like)? I really just want to go up there and watch what's going on. They wouldn't have to change any of their behavior. I just want an explanation!