Thursday, September 23, 2010

pet names pt. 1

I have been thinking lately of what I want to call my future significant other, when I have one. No comment on the status of any future significant other. But I have the names ready. SO STEP RIGHT UP, MENFOLK.

Here's what I have thought of so far:

-my little acorn (squirrel themed)

-my baby paint can

-my sweet flower pot

-ma petite pomme de terre avec le fromage (my little potato with cheese)

-my baby kitten paw

-my sweet marshmallow-stuffed pillow

-my birthday duck

-my little pile of crunchy fall leaves

-my sweet pet squirrel

Really. Fall just makes me want to walk around in track jackets and hold hands, enjoying the beautiful colors and crisp air and clear skies.

*insert wistful sigh here*

Sunday, September 19, 2010

when i am the boss

When I am the boss of my as-yet-unnamed future company, there will be many rules. Rule number one: every hour there will be a 5 minute dance break in which the lights will go down, the floor will light up, and everyone must dance furiously as the song(s) of my choice play over the PA system. Dance in any style you want! I personally prefer the "Kermit flail", as it seems to best relieve me of stress. Water and snacks after!

Also, naps scheduled into the day.

Ice cream novelty day (bring your favorite ice cream novelty)!!!

A reading corner.

Movies in the lounge with a little popcorn stand.

What do we sell? That is not important! Don't concern yourself with silly details like that!

I think this is actually what it's like to work at Pixar. They have paper airplane contests and secret rooms (on top of making incredible films). So the REAL message here is: John Lassiter, HIRE MEEEE. Put me on your roster as "SUPERVISOR OF RECREATION". I can't animate, but I can do funny voices and bake cookies!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

i am a carpenter

I have taken to building things on my own because I hate waiting for someone to help me. Thus, the new Wal-Mart bookshelf in my room. The box weighed 70 pounds. Somehow I managed to fanagle it onto the shopping cart's bottom rack and get it to the check out line. When I got out to my car, I tried to make it into a sort of bridge from the cart to the trunk, but the cart kept moving backwards, taking me with it. I think my pants were also having a seriously hard time staying up, for some reason or another, so everyone in the parking lot got a great look at my underwear (green with stars!). A lovely stranger came to my rescue with the words, "I'M COMING TO HELP YOU!" shouted in alarm as they ran over to me, probably witnessing one of the most pathetic scenes they'd ever seen (and in a Wal-Mart parking lot, no less)! When I got it back to my apartment, I had to carry it in piece by piece.

At that point, I thought the worst was over. But I would soon find out just how wrong I was.

The box said it should take one hour for one person to piece together the bookshelf. It took me 6 hours (with a short dinner break) and the walls of my room acting as another person to get the damn thing built. A new tool kit, 40 nails, countless swear words, a pile of screws that didn't QUITE fit in the holes, and a tearful phone call to my sister later, I FINALLY HAD A BOOKSHELF.

I bet Jesus himself would be extremely pissed at the shoddy craftsmanship of a Wal-Mart bookshelf. I said his name enough times that he at least had to know what was going on in this little corner of the world.

But on the PLUS side, I am a carpenter!!!!